A co-dependent person works so hard to control and fix someone else that his/her own life is in turmoil as a result. Because we are powerless over other people, no one can really control anyone else, and others’ troubles are mostly due to patterns only they can change, a codependent person is in for one painful disappointment after another.
The term powerless does not mean helpless. Up until now you have been powerless over your thoughts, feelings and actions and have led you to believe that your needs should be sacrificed for others, regardless of the consequences. Co-dependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem all blend together to create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being too close to another person or being alone. Very often the codependent’s self-esteem and self-worth comes from sacrificing themselves for their partner and their partner will gladly accept their sacrifice.
Signs of codependency may include:
Below are twenty questions I have created for my clients to help provide them with an understanding of their codependent relationships and the impact of their on themselves and their partner.
If you believe you struggle with codependence, thoughtfully answer the questions below and if you are currently working with a therapist, process your answers with your therapist.
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Marriage & Family Therapist and Registered Addiction Specialist